Selling your used car is a fun and interesting way to meet new people, but it's also a battle of wits which can be extremely psychologically daunting. Not only are you emotionally tied to this piece of the American Dream that you once loved so much, but the pool potential used car buyers is rife with crude and unsavory types who are bent on stealing from you and abusing your good nature. But with a few quick tips, you can defeat the buyer and sell your car in no time!
Figure out a price
The first step is to determine the worth of your car. You can do this by first checking NADA, Kelley Blue Book or Edmunds - these websites have tools to help you estimate the value of your car based on mileage, condition and level of equipment. But be warned - these websites all fail to understand that your car is special due to performance upgrades and fond memories, and is therefore worth much more than fair market value. I suggest being insulted by the low price that these websites assign and indignantly choosing a price that is much greater than what is suggested for Excellent Condition, regardless of body damage, gross mechanical failure or history of multiple collisions. After all, in the world of used car sales, anything goes.
Clean the car
At this point, a lot of experts will tell you to clean the car - this is bad advice. There is no charm in a clean car, you want the car to look well lived in. Nobody wants to buy a car that they can't imagine their Taco Bell wrappers littering the passenger floor or their dirty underwear and socks strewn about the back seat. This will also help you achieve maximum selling price because the filth of the car will imply that you have nothing to hide, and the buyer will appreciate your honesty.
List the car for sale
Never put a For Sale sign in the window of your car as this will draw the attention of teen thugs and terrorists - it is best to use some kind of filter between you and the unwashed masses. I suggest using online classifieds such as Craigslist, Auto Trader and Bargain News. Of these, I strongly recommend Craigslist because it is free, and you don't want to seem desperate.
Crafting your classified ad
This is perhaps the most important step - it allows you to show your wild, creative side, while taking certain liberties with the truth. Don't get bogged down with the specifics - when listing mileage round down about 25,000 miles, when listing the engine size round up at least two cylinders. If even mentioned, any cosmetic or mechanical damage should be described as minor or negligible - no matter what the extent of it is.
Here are some good buzz words to pepper throughout your listing: great running condition, like new, great gas mileage, clean title, little old lady, new tires, Bose... just about anything that sounds good - remember, it's just words.
Showing your car
This is where it gets tricky - as I said before, used car buyers are an untrustworthy and repugnant bunch. They spend their days cruising the streets with large sums of cash in their pockets looking for a victim, waiting for the right moment to snare some unsuspecting car seller with the siren's song of their wad of cash.
Sounds like just what any used car seller would want, but these scoundrels look exclusively for cars that are well out of their price range. From the moment they call, text or email about your car, they are intentionally trying to wear you down. When they finally show up hours after their appointment, they will spend about an hour haphazardly poking, looking and examining things under the hood of the car that they have no real understanding of. They do this because they are lonely and don't know how to form real relationships, and of course, to waste your time.
By this time you will be exhausted from the anticipation of waiting for, then babysitting, the buyer... but it's not over yet. They will then spend another twenty minutes or so walking around the car and telling you that if they buy the car they are going to have to fix this, paint that, get a new this. They become like a lion chasing a zebra, wearing it out until the prey is too tired and just gives in.
The offer
At this point the filthy rogue will attempt to buy the car for half price, because cash is king and they have it right here, right now, in their hand ready to take this burden off your hands. Ignore his laundry list! Don't be lured in by the glamor of the crisp hundred dollar bills he's fanning himself with! The buyer is a pig who should be stuck on a spit an roasted over the flames... let the piggy burn.
To gain a psychological advantage, seek higher ground - stand on a porch or ladder, maybe up a few steps or on a small hill so that you are looking down at the buyer. After some contemplative silence, reach out and touch the buyer's arm or face gently with your hand, this will let him know that you're in charge. Then, in the tone of voice you would use to tell a child her goldfish has died, smile and inform the buyer that you've already turned down an offer that is well above his. This will, of course, be a lie. The faux offer should be just under the price you are looking to get for the car. The buyer will either make a more realistic, acceptable offer or cower at your dominance and scamper away like an old scolded dog. Either way, you win!
Of course, some buyers will just ask over the phone "What's the lowest price you'd take," without even looking at the car. It may seem refreshing for someone to cut right to the bone with such an honest question, but don't be fooled - it is an insult to you and to the very spirit of haggling. The only acceptable response to this question is to say: "I don't negotiate with terrorists," then hang up.
Making the sale
Now that the money is on the table, it is a good time to tell the buyer that you've either lost the Ownership Title or there is a Lien against the car and you don't actually own it outright. This will anger most buyers and scare them off, taking their money with them. But in those rare, shining moments when the buyer is foolish enough to still move forward with the deal without a Title or Bill of Sale, you catch a glimpse into what selling a used car is really all about...
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