Earthquake Rattles Team Sheen

I was really hoping to not have to mention Charlie Sheen again this week, but alas...

Charlie Sheen stalled in his Guinness Book run-up early Friday morning as an 8.9  magnitude (thanks Mel) earthquake struck Japan. The scene on the ground was frantic as Sheen's publicity team scurried to develop an elaborate, last-minute stunt involving various large zoo mammals and orthodontic equipment when a Golden Ticket was dropped in their laps - in the form of an obsessed Amish man and potential Sheen intern Breaking and Entering.

The earthquake, weighing in just a mere 1.1 magnitude shy of Epic, caused widespread politeness and shy naval-gazing in the streets. Early reports indicate that the Central Air is working and there is plenty of whiskey.

From Wikipedia: Magnitude 8.0-8.9 - Great - Can cause serious damage in areas several hundred miles across.

Special thanks to my friend and resident of Japan, Meljo, for the insight. Mel and Matt, stay safe and gather weapons.