Friday, December 17, 2010

Republican Party Vs. 9/11 First Responders

The following letter was slid under my door by WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, with this note attached:
Dear Maxx,
I've turned to you because I appreciate and respect your journalistic veracity - you are the only one I can trust with this delicate leak. Please see that this letter from the Republican Party to the 9/11 First Responders sees the light of day.
Your Close Personal Friend and Confidant,
Julian Assange
The letter from Senate Minority Leader and Master Cocaine Republican, Mitch McConnell:
Dear 9/11 First Responders,

I understand that you and your people are experiencing health issues related to your heroic duty in the days, weeks and months following the attacks on 9/11. My heart goes out to you and your struggle. I wish I could help you by motivating at least two Republicans to support the 9/11 First Responders Healthcare Bill, but it cannot be...
This bill contradicts many of the key strategies that we intend on employing in the near future. The most prevalent of which is our Heath Control Strategy. The HCS represents a bold new kind of politics in which we use Health, and people's access to Healthcare, to control the masses. We mustn't give it a way... we are moving to encourage notion that health is a Privilege, not a Right!
We will also need to save a good deal of our political moxie for our upcoming push to Repeal Women's Suffrage. They've had the vote for too long, and we can no longer allow their logic and passion to sully our political process - it's a Man's Game and they're making it no fun. It will be an uphill battle on the face of it, but we are confident that we should be able to reverse this flawed piece of policy by 2012.
Lastly, it is important to remember that 9/11 is in the past. While we appreciated being able to use your face as an icon to rally the dim behind our ideals, the mojo has run thin - we're on to bigger and better things. This legislation could have easily passed, with or without riders, at any point between 2001-2008... but that was then. The bus has left the station - we Need you to get off and climb under. It is the only way...
Sincerely,
Senate Minority Leader
Mitch McConnell
Republican, Kentucky

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