Scott Walker is a Poon

"Tommy used to work on the docks, union's been on strike, he's down on his luck. It's tough, so tough..." - Living on a Prayer, Bon Jovi


Very little is absolutely certain in Wisconsin right now, but just for grins, lets run down the facts shall we?

- Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is an awful, greed-hungry, power-mad, vindictive, spiteful bully and big-time corruption-boner Poon who craps greasy corporate swag leftover from his weekly open-invite backdoor gangbang - clearly a lobbyist for the over $200k set.

- The general consensus of the work that teachers do is grossly underestimated. During those nine months they work just as much as anyone else does in a whole year.

- By reducing compensation, Wisconsin is attempting to push good teachers out of the state, and hiring scabs in their place. These are the people raising your children, you blind and arrogant dummies!

- Anyone with any clout in WI already sends their kids to private school. Of course they would rather see all those tax dollars go into the pockets of the companies they run, by way of tax incentives, etc... instead of schools.

- The WI Republicans are unbashfully anti-poor. Heed my words - within twenty years they will be stalking urban streets with automatic weapons, fine cigars hanging from gritted teeth, hunting man.

- There have never been so many Talking Heads on the News who earn dramatically more than $50k a year talk about how $50k a year is too much to pay a teacher, let alone the Middle Class. I'm sure their hair stylists make well above that.

- This may very well open the door to a new Anti-Union movement. Be warned: after worker's rights, civil rights go shortly after...

Republican Party Vs. 9/11 First Responders

The following letter was slid under my door by WikiLeaks founder, Julian Assange, with this note attached:

Dear Maxx,

I've turned to you because I appreciate and respect your journalistic veracity - you are the only one I can trust with this delicate leak. Please see that this letter from the Republican Party to the 9/11 First Responders sees the light of day.

Your Close Personal Friend and Confidant,

Julian Assange

The letter from Senate Minority Leader and Master Cocaine Republican, Mitch McConnell:

Dear 9/11 First Responders,

I understand that you and your people are experiencing health issues related to your heroic duty in the days, weeks and months following the attacks on 9/11. My heart goes out to you and your struggle. I wish I could help you by motivating at least two Republicans to support the 9/11 First Responders Healthcare Bill, but it cannot be...

This bill contradicts many of the key strategies that we intend on employing in the near future. The most prevalent of which is our Heath Control Strategy. The HCS represents a bold new kind of politics in which we use Health, and people's access to Healthcare, to control the masses. We mustn't give it a way... we are moving to encourage notion that health is a Privilege, not a Right!

We will also need to save a good deal of our political moxie for our upcoming push to Repeal Women's Suffrage. They've had the vote for too long, and we can no longer allow their logic and passion to sully our political process - it's a Man's Game and they're making it no fun. It will be an uphill battle on the face of it, but we are confident that we should be able to reverse this flawed piece of policy by 2012.

Lastly, it is important to remember that 9/11 is in the past. While we appreciated being able to use your face as an icon to rally the dim behind our ideals, the mojo has run thin - we're on to bigger and better things. This legislation could have easily passed, with or without riders, at any point between 2001-2008... but that was then. The bus has left the station - we Need you to get off and climb under. It is the only way...

Sincerely,

Senate Minority Leader
Mitch McConnell
Republican, Kentucky

Six Month Old McDonald's Hamburger Kills Family of Four

"I yearn for you tragically." - Yossarian, Catch-22

Libel is an interesting charge because to be accused of it, the plaintiff has to admit that they care what you think or say. I doubt McDonald's Corporation (NYCE: MCD) gives a flying grab what I say about their food - but if they did, they'd have to openly admit that they take a very small corner of the internet with a meager thirty hits a day seriously. And I think that's an ugly proposition for even the most ravenous lawyer, no matter how hard he's been beaten and kept hungry for the Kill and the Good Show. Ugly because it chinks the armor of the lawyer's Super-Egolessness. To try something so utterly inconsequential requires a fine sense of the suspension of disbelief.

The lumbering ogre doesn't mind the mice unless it's by the handful, and even then it's just a snack. So, realistically speaking, a libel suit is off the table. I won't be Banned for Life, for good or ill - because these little hamburg sandwiches are killing people by the bucketful in sad and violent ways. Arteries exploding across our nations highways, tainted meat madness and value meal murders.