Five Mrs. Claus'!

The story of Christmas as told by the lawn decorations at the house down the street...

Once there was a fanciful baby Jesus who lived in a small town in Connecticut. So fancy was he that a crowd of five gathered around his West-Side manger where they were mesmerized into staring at him for all of December. DCF had taken the month off, so his cheeky bare-assedness brought no question upon the fitness of his parents.

This spectacle drew the Three Wise Snowmen out of hiding, who had journeyed from some distant land like Taiwan or Korea. They came bearing gifts such as Frankincense, Myrrh, and Penguins. When they arrived at the manger, there was trouble afoot - there had been a threat from the North. Seven Santas had descended upon the manger and tried to smoke out the sweet little baby Jesus by blasting fifty year old Christmas music all day and all night, Koresh/Waco/Davidian style.

The Snowmen and Penguins fought valiantly against the seven deadly Santas, six sacks of presents, FIVE MRS. CLAUS'! Four tannenbaums, three glowing reindeer, two inflated Homers and an army of elves and barber poles.