I had just finished the last sip of my first Four Loko when the spiders began climbing out of the sleeves of my red flannel shirt - thousands of them...
My first mistake was choosing the purple flavor. The first sip was offensive, worse than any Mad Dog 20/20, and hit my tongue swiftly and without remorse like a saccharin toilet bomb. It took me an hour and a half just to pour it into my belly, during which time I felt little effect. It was immediately following the last sip that all of my motor skills simply fell away - I barely had time to put the empty can down.
My second mistake, in my best estimate, was the five or so beers I drank after it. But as with any good mistake, I took something meaningful and wise away from it. I discovered that when you mix just enough quality IPA with a can of Miller High Life, you get a different animal all together; a strange hybrid beer with a fantastic flavor and excellent mouth feel. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to replicate the results, so for all I know it could have all just been a mirage created by the Malt Liquor.
I suppose my third and final mistake of the evening was riding that unicorn home. It was a rough ride for sure, and horribly cold.
No comments:
Post a Comment