I crept slowly and carefully down the staircase leading to old fieldstone basement, being sure not to make any sudden movements or sharp noises. I my heart I knew this would be the end of me, that vicious beast Thunderpuss always insists on having the last laugh, but still, I had to make my move. I heard a forlorned Mow off in the distance. Then, under my feet, a stair creaked. I turned and tried to run, but it was too late - she was coming right for me, lunging through the air and shooting lasers out of her ass.
I ducked, then tried to jump over the crude barrier we set up in case it came down to this and she came for us, but caught my leg. She stalked me like a gazelle, sizing me up, planning her next move, hissing. I was trapped. I looked around for an escape route or any sort of weapon. I grabbed a camping chair and tried to tame her, shouting; "Back you foul beast! You can't eat me, you'll starve for sure!" but she swatted the chair out of my hands and I knew I was a goner. I backed up slowly, but I was cornered - officially corned. She descended upon me with razor sharp claws, and what pointy teeth she had left.
They say that the common house cat will pick your bones clean within an hour of your death, and show no remorse because of it. How's that for glib? Fortunately I escaped unscathed last night, and live to fight another day. But I know somewhere in my house a big cat is stalking, waiting, remembering...
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