Chinese Valentine's Day

"THE TERM, V.D., stands for venereal disease or diseases. They are very dangerous and crippling. There are several venereal diseases, but the most common of them are syphilis and gonorrhoea. They usually spread by intimate contact, almost always sexual. Both are killers or destroyer of humanity." - The Illustrated Weekly of India

Now that we have a proper definition of VD, I feel that we can move forward and discuss Valentine's Day - or VE Day as they call it in Europe. Remember: Valentine's Day and VD are not mutually exclusive.

Valentine's Day is a corporate-sponsored holiday created by the Auto-Ordnance Company to commemorate their flagship fire-arm, the Thompson Submachine Gun. This gun, favored for it's compactness and high throughput, was the weapon of choice amongst the Prohibition-era Chicago area mobsters who took part in the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre in 1929.

The symbol of Valentine's Day, the Arrow through the Heart, is an ironic nod to the Thompson Submachine Gun, which uses bullets instead of arrows. This points to the true roots of the Tommy Gun - the automatic crossbow, which dates back to the 4th century BC, in the Chinese Hubei Province. That said, it is easy to surmise that the Chinese holiday, Daughter's Festival*, which falls on the 7th day of the 7th lunar month on the Chinese Calendar is the True Valentine's Day. This year it falls on August 6th, so you may want to freeze those roses and chocolates, fellas.

*Daughter's Festival - also known as Chinese Valentine's Day: A celebration of the story of the 7th daughter of the Emperor of Heaven who loved an orphan cowherd. They were separated and she was forced to live on the star Vega, while he was forced to live on the star Altair. The two star's paths only intersect once a year. The Emperor of Heaven is a dick.