Your New Sign - Octopotamus

There is a thirteenth sign of the Zodiac, but it's not what you think...

There's something about looking at a chart and letting it decide who you are and tell you what to do that people naturally like - people are born followers, this is why society works. Breifly, our beloved and sage Zodiac chart was twisted, leading people to make drastic lifestyle changes overnight, including but not limited to reversal of temperament and sexual orientation. And of course, now it's bullshit. A lot has happened in the past two days.

The supposed new sign is called Ophiuchus, which is pronounced Octopotamus. You'd think it'd look like a hippopotamus with the tentacles of an octopus (which, ironically, is what I will eventually render for the logo of this blog), but no, it's a man fighting a snake.

I personally love the idea of a man fighting a snake as the new sign, imagine the potential pickup lines at the local Swingles:

Scenario 1:
Woman asks man: "What's your sign?"
He responds: "A man fighting a snake."
They have sex.

Scenario 2:
Man asks woman: "What's your sign?"
She responds: "A man fighting a snake."
Man runs away, for fear that his penis will be fought.

But no one is focusing on the Ugly Truth, which is that there really is a thirteenth Zodiac sign, and it's called Judas. This means that we're a mere 30 pieces of silver and a kiss away from getting racked up. Betrayed by the stars... yet another sign of the Apocalypse?