Please do not loiter outside of the Little Free Library. If you find yourself at the Little Free Library without a mask, you may extract one book to use as a mask to prevent droplets.
If you are a child who is currently picking your nose, please do not use the Little Free Library. If you are very old and not wearing a mask because you are stubborn, or if you are under the age of 25 and aren't wearing a mask because you think you're invincible, I'm going to have to ask you not to use the Little Free Library. The Little Free Library is not responsible for lost or stolen items.
The Little Free Library is not a location to store your sandwich while you visit the regular library. The Little Free Library is for locals only; out-of-towners are not to use it due to a higher risk of depositing of droplets. There are to be no droplets deposited in the Little Free Library.
All deposits to the Little Free Library will be sanitized daily with either a dusting of Comet or powdered sugar, depending on availability. Please do not deposit your pornography in the Little Free Library. If your book has been "red flagged," please do not deposit it. The depositing of how-to books and cookbooks is prohibited as all that stuff is available online. The depositing of coffee table books of excessive size is also prohibited. If you insist on depositing pornography into the Little Free Library, please ensure that it is tasteful.
If you are homeless while using the Little Free Library, it is understood that you will not take books with lots of pages to use as toilet paper. If you are not homeless but having a hard time finding toilet paper, same goes for you. Understand: the pages of books DO NOT dematerialize in your septic system and they will clog the pipes. I repeat: THEY WILL CLOG THE PIPES. Don't ask me how I know, I just know. Don't use it. Also, paper cuts.
The Little Free Library will be sponsoring an afternoon tea and book discussion at 2:30 p.m. on the second Thursday of every month, rain or shine. Please bring your own chairs, table, tea, condiments, friends, book club, and books. There is often a heated debate because patrons are not reading the same book, and it is absolutely prohibited to discuss the title of the book.
During times of national mourning the Little Free Library will be at half-mast. No one is to extract any books, and only the deposit WWII books will be allowed. If you borrow a book from the Little Free Library and it stinks, please feel free to bring it to a friends house and hide it in their bathroom.
You can now follow the Little Free Library on TikTok. A new video of the Little Free Library will be posted daily, but due to privacy concerns, the titles of the books will be obscured.
If, in your perusing of the Little Free Library you find a title by Ian Fleming, it's your lucky day! Please extract the book and search inside the Little Free Library for a small candy, typically a Werther's Original. You win! Congrats!
Thank you for visiting the Little Free Library. Please be sure to tip your librarian.
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