The Devil's Margarita

If there is a strange man with crazy eyes in your kitchen brutalizing fruit, screaming at it in Spanish, crushing the juices from it - I say let it ride. This is the only way you will get a truly authentic margarita. I watched, I learned, and I can do it now - and I think I could do it without all of the screaming, but in my heart I know that this is wrong. Those primal screams might just be the key ingredient. Who knows?

The Devil's Margarita
1 Lime
1 Lemon
Patron Tequila
Cointreau Triple Sec

Roll the lemon and lime against a hard surface to loosen up the juices. Slice the fruit in half. Scream at the fruit as if it were a kidnapper taking your children - the key here is to display acute primal rage, balanced with crazed fear and emotion with just a splash of helplessness. Crush the fruit with excited joy, like a despot might crush a weak and powerless rebellion, trying to get what you can of the tangy juices into the glass. Leave the rinds of the fruit haphazardly about the counter top.

Eyeball the quantity of juice. Add an equivalent amount of Patron, then add the same amount of Cointreau. Ice liberally. Insist that everyone drink out of the same glass, while continually informing them that it will make their clothes fall off.