"Why do you think I let you get away with all the things you say to me?" I Like You, Morrissey
Your opinion matters - and not in the sense that sensitive people care about it. It matters because somewhere in a boardroom full of half empty fast food containers and dogeared pornography lie legions of greasy goons, drooling over your social networking profile because they can now make money off of it. Facebook is about to let advertisers buy your "likes" and republish them the your friends.
Do you like the kinky stuff? Good News! Now Facebook is going to tell your Mom. Think that Viagra is keen? Now your girlfriend knows about your boner medicine. Big-time racist? Johnson and Johnson is going to tell all of your black friends.
It kind of makes sense that Reese's Pieces would be able to hitch a ride on your Thumbs Up, but this is completely outside the spirit of hitchhiking. It's supposed to be a free ride...
Showing posts with label Viagra. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Viagra. Show all posts
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Friday, December 3, 2010
TSA Sexual Revolution
"No place for hidin' baby, no place to run, you pull the trigger of my love gun..." - Kiss
It is no surprise that National Opt Out Day didn't work. In theory, it made sense - the American Public, invigorated by inconvenience and the vague notion that everyone's rights were being trampled, was called to action to Opt Out of the new Airport Body Scan on the most traveled day of the year. This was supposed to bring all travel to a grinding halt and forcing the TSA to abandon the widely criticized Scans.
There was no crash, no grinding halt - and it much had to do with misinformation. The day picked for National Opt Out Day was November 24th, the day before Thanksgiving, which is widely regarded as the most traveled day of the year. Not so according to the Bureau of Transportation Statistics, who says statistically the most traveled day of the year is the Sunday after Thanksgiving. That's boo number one.
Boo number two is that Americans, when called to action over the internet, will make huge promises to the idea that they would never keep in real life - that's the beauty of the internet. So it was a case of too little too soon... And yet the National Opt Out Day Website claims that it was a "rousing success," siting, as failed causes often do, that the purpose of the event was to "raise awareness."
Well folks, this awareness raising failure doesn't have to be in vain. I have devised a brilliant follow up to the event and I think we could even get corporate sponsorship. The target would be the day after Christmas - the Second Most Traveled Day of the year according to the BTS. The plan is this: Sildenafil Citrate, trade name - Viagra. Every traveler takes the recommended dosage of Viagra a few hours before arriving at the airport. Whether you Opt In or Opt it is of little concern, the boners will have spoken - either in the form of an erotic TSA photo or a romantic pat down. We shall call it National Opt Up Day.
Ladies, I know what you're thinking: Should women participate by taking Viagra, too? Absolutely. Viagra is proven to increase female arousal, so women can act as Pheromone Beacons, mixing with the already potent Male Pheromone Fog, producing a Pheromone Cocktail that would whip the whole Airport into a frenzy. It'd be like the 60's all over again. Sodom and Gomorrah.
I suppose the next step would be to get Pfizer on board. They could help with advertising, perhaps supply samples to the masses. After all this would make brilliant ad campaign for them. Invest now: PFE (NYCE).
EDIT: Thanks Jim for pointing out this relevant link Bad Touch!
It is no surprise that National Opt Out Day didn't work. In theory, it made sense - the American Public, invigorated by inconvenience and the vague notion that everyone's rights were being trampled, was called to action to Opt Out of the new Airport Body Scan on the most traveled day of the year. This was supposed to bring all travel to a grinding halt and forcing the TSA to abandon the widely criticized Scans.
There was no crash, no grinding halt - and it much had to do with misinformation. The day picked for National Opt Out Day was November 24th, the day before Thanksgiving, which is widely regarded as the most traveled day of the year. Not so according to the Bureau of Transportation Statistics, who says statistically the most traveled day of the year is the Sunday after Thanksgiving. That's boo number one.
Boo number two is that Americans, when called to action over the internet, will make huge promises to the idea that they would never keep in real life - that's the beauty of the internet. So it was a case of too little too soon... And yet the National Opt Out Day Website claims that it was a "rousing success," siting, as failed causes often do, that the purpose of the event was to "raise awareness."
Well folks, this awareness raising failure doesn't have to be in vain. I have devised a brilliant follow up to the event and I think we could even get corporate sponsorship. The target would be the day after Christmas - the Second Most Traveled Day of the year according to the BTS. The plan is this: Sildenafil Citrate, trade name - Viagra. Every traveler takes the recommended dosage of Viagra a few hours before arriving at the airport. Whether you Opt In or Opt it is of little concern, the boners will have spoken - either in the form of an erotic TSA photo or a romantic pat down. We shall call it National Opt Up Day.
Ladies, I know what you're thinking: Should women participate by taking Viagra, too? Absolutely. Viagra is proven to increase female arousal, so women can act as Pheromone Beacons, mixing with the already potent Male Pheromone Fog, producing a Pheromone Cocktail that would whip the whole Airport into a frenzy. It'd be like the 60's all over again. Sodom and Gomorrah.
I suppose the next step would be to get Pfizer on board. They could help with advertising, perhaps supply samples to the masses. After all this would make brilliant ad campaign for them. Invest now: PFE (NYCE).
EDIT: Thanks Jim for pointing out this relevant link Bad Touch!
Friday, October 15, 2010
Licking Doorhandles
"Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Do not... fuck with us." - Tyler Durden, Fight Club
This morning I saw this dubious ad slamming Chris Murphy for backing a heathcare reform bill that robbed Medicare, gave copious amounts of health care to illegals and ensured every sex offender would get a monthly ration of Viagra. When did mudslinging get all Mad Max? Or is it Twilight Zone?
Imagine the first person to own a horse. He comes back to his village, in his hand is a rope which is attached to a horse. He's clearly been through a lot - what with having spent his afternoon battling a wild stallion. The reaction* of the locals is unkind; "You must be off your nut, carrying on with a wild animal like that - bringing it near my children." Or, "Oh, good. I've always wanted to be bit by a horse while whittling on my front porch." But in due time, the locals saw his genius. He would ride his horse over great distances, use it to carry things he didn't want to carry himself, impress ladies...
Pushing a horse like that through congress is sure to raise some concerns but Jesus. Shouldn't health care be like roads or cops - there for general public enjoyment? Are we supposed to be at the mercy of the white-collar fat-backs in the insurance industry if we Can afford it, and Damned if we can't?
Okay, let's say you don't think health care is for everyone. Let me point over here at exhibit A - company provided flu shots. You bastards line up in droves to get your free flu shot, which the company pays for proactively to derail any profit-sucking epidemics. The same theory applies to the public health; but in the grander stroke of it, the entire economy suffers, en large...
...and I seem to have gone into a diatribe. So I'll leave you with this:
My Scare Tactic:
The untreated sick are out there - like zombies wandering the streets, the countryside, going about their business and coughing on things. Poor people everywhere, licking the door handles of office buildings, leaving hot dumps on the floors of public restrooms, not washing their hands. They are preparing your food, they are handling your paperwork, they are high-fiving you. They are legion.
* Please read reaction with a British accent.
This morning I saw this dubious ad slamming Chris Murphy for backing a heathcare reform bill that robbed Medicare, gave copious amounts of health care to illegals and ensured every sex offender would get a monthly ration of Viagra. When did mudslinging get all Mad Max? Or is it Twilight Zone?
Imagine the first person to own a horse. He comes back to his village, in his hand is a rope which is attached to a horse. He's clearly been through a lot - what with having spent his afternoon battling a wild stallion. The reaction* of the locals is unkind; "You must be off your nut, carrying on with a wild animal like that - bringing it near my children." Or, "Oh, good. I've always wanted to be bit by a horse while whittling on my front porch." But in due time, the locals saw his genius. He would ride his horse over great distances, use it to carry things he didn't want to carry himself, impress ladies...
Pushing a horse like that through congress is sure to raise some concerns but Jesus. Shouldn't health care be like roads or cops - there for general public enjoyment? Are we supposed to be at the mercy of the white-collar fat-backs in the insurance industry if we Can afford it, and Damned if we can't?
Okay, let's say you don't think health care is for everyone. Let me point over here at exhibit A - company provided flu shots. You bastards line up in droves to get your free flu shot, which the company pays for proactively to derail any profit-sucking epidemics. The same theory applies to the public health; but in the grander stroke of it, the entire economy suffers, en large...
...and I seem to have gone into a diatribe. So I'll leave you with this:
My Scare Tactic:
The untreated sick are out there - like zombies wandering the streets, the countryside, going about their business and coughing on things. Poor people everywhere, licking the door handles of office buildings, leaving hot dumps on the floors of public restrooms, not washing their hands. They are preparing your food, they are handling your paperwork, they are high-fiving you. They are legion.
* Please read reaction with a British accent.
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