"We walk the streets at night, we go where eagles dare..." - Where Eagles Dare, Misfits
A few weeks ago I caught wind of this TigerBlood internship shenaniganza, and as you can imagine, I applied immediately. A paid summer of misadventure with a known psychopath... I even made it deep into the second round of interviews, on the strength of my blog alone, before I got the axe. It could've been great, but it's for the best that I didn't get that gig - it really could have only ended one way. Together, Charlie Sheen and I would have formed a crude bad decision engine powered by meanness and liquor - a self-perpetuating positive feedback loop of increasingly questionable behavior and traumatic outbursts that would have eventually lead to no less than one death, and maybe as much as the overthrow of a small South American government or even the seceding of a Midwestern state. Of course, at best, it could have lead to fully armed rescue mission to Libya to save the children, bring them to LA, and nurse them back from the brink on TigerMomBlood - straight from the teat.
To be honest, though, I'm probably just on the cusp of being too old to be an intern, and I gave up TigerBlood years ago - I've moved on to something a little more... potent. And difficult to acquire. What I yearn for must be hunted, snuck up upon, and consumed immediately and straight from the tap or else run the risk of sudden and irreversible paralysis of the legs, migraines and other emotional symptoms.
What is this Nectar of the Gods you ask? It's the blood of the Tigrilla. The only source is an elite hybrid - a genetic blend of tiger and gorilla, only recently developed by a team of arcane scientists in a high tech and heavily fortified lab out in the jungles of Guangdong, China. These big bastards have the looks, temperament and martial arts skills of a Thundercat, which makes it rather difficult to sneak up on and drink from. But what can I say, I go where eagles dare.
Showing posts with label Thundercats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Thundercats. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Form Blazing Sword
"Form feet and legs. Form arms and torso. And I'll form the head!" - Keith, Voltron
I guess it was a little premature and thoroughly ridiculous to compare what was happening in Egypt to the Thundercats - this much has been made obvious by what is happening in Iran, Bahrain and Yemen... not to undercut their precursor - that first instance of self-immolation in Tunisia. Due to these recent developments, I can safely say that this is clearly a Voltron-type scenario.
These five lions of the Muslim/Arabic world, having risen out of the sea, desert, cave, forest and volcano respectively, and are battling the forces of King Zarkon, Lotor and Haggar and their throngs of merciless Robeasts as I write.
Perhaps Kenneth Cole was right... maybe his new spring collection is The Tits - or maybe this is just another sign of the impending world-ending apocalypse. But until we can hash this whole thing out, I leave some small bit of sage advice for the collective peoples of the Middle East who have even the tiniest inkling of revolution coursing through their veins: Form Blazing Sword - immediately. For if you don't do it now, you'll only look back on these ripe, Halcyon Days with profound regret.
I guess it was a little premature and thoroughly ridiculous to compare what was happening in Egypt to the Thundercats - this much has been made obvious by what is happening in Iran, Bahrain and Yemen... not to undercut their precursor - that first instance of self-immolation in Tunisia. Due to these recent developments, I can safely say that this is clearly a Voltron-type scenario.
These five lions of the Muslim/Arabic world, having risen out of the sea, desert, cave, forest and volcano respectively, and are battling the forces of King Zarkon, Lotor and Haggar and their throngs of merciless Robeasts as I write.
Perhaps Kenneth Cole was right... maybe his new spring collection is The Tits - or maybe this is just another sign of the impending world-ending apocalypse. But until we can hash this whole thing out, I leave some small bit of sage advice for the collective peoples of the Middle East who have even the tiniest inkling of revolution coursing through their veins: Form Blazing Sword - immediately. For if you don't do it now, you'll only look back on these ripe, Halcyon Days with profound regret.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Thundercats, Ho(sni Mubarak)!
A brief synopsis of what is happening in Egypt, as told through the story of the Thundercats...
The proletariat of Egypt, here described as Lion-O, is a child stuck in the body of an adult cat-like humanoid, and the true leader of the people of Egypt, or Thundercats. The Thundercats have converged on downtown Cairo, here Third Earth, to dethrone President Hosni Mubarak (Mumm-Rah).
This is where it gets tricky. Lion-O has seen that unemployment levels and cost of food have risen to unspeakable levels, and he has enlisted the help of some of the other Thundercats like Panthro (the Egyptian Military) and to some small extent and after a great deal of reluctance, Tygra (the Egyptian Police).
The argument was so compelling and rather intimidating due to the sheer muscle (protesters) of Lion-O, that Mumm-Rah had no choice to concede, promise not to run for re-election and fire all of the Ancient Spirits of Evil (President Hosni's cabinet). This minimal victory lead to vicious clashes on the streets of Third Earth between Lion-O and the Mutants of Plun-darr (President Hosni's Supporters), resulting in minor injuries to Snarf (Anderson Cooper).
At this point the resignation of Mumm-Rah seems imminent, as Lion-O will soon invoke the Sword of Omen (the UN), and use the power of the Eye of Thundera (popular international political opinion) to strike him from his post.
The proletariat of Egypt, here described as Lion-O, is a child stuck in the body of an adult cat-like humanoid, and the true leader of the people of Egypt, or Thundercats. The Thundercats have converged on downtown Cairo, here Third Earth, to dethrone President Hosni Mubarak (Mumm-Rah).
This is where it gets tricky. Lion-O has seen that unemployment levels and cost of food have risen to unspeakable levels, and he has enlisted the help of some of the other Thundercats like Panthro (the Egyptian Military) and to some small extent and after a great deal of reluctance, Tygra (the Egyptian Police).
The argument was so compelling and rather intimidating due to the sheer muscle (protesters) of Lion-O, that Mumm-Rah had no choice to concede, promise not to run for re-election and fire all of the Ancient Spirits of Evil (President Hosni's cabinet). This minimal victory lead to vicious clashes on the streets of Third Earth between Lion-O and the Mutants of Plun-darr (President Hosni's Supporters), resulting in minor injuries to Snarf (Anderson Cooper).
At this point the resignation of Mumm-Rah seems imminent, as Lion-O will soon invoke the Sword of Omen (the UN), and use the power of the Eye of Thundera (popular international political opinion) to strike him from his post.
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