The Coronavirus Limerick

There once was a merchant from Wuhan,
who sold me some nice bats to chew on.
I developed a cough,
and to top it all off,
all the people I meet I now flu on.

State of the Union - Subliminal Cookies

"My dear girl, have you ever noticed that the human race is divided into two distinct and irreconcilable groups: those that walk into rooms and automatically turn television sets on, and those that walk into rooms and automatically turn them off." - Raymond Shaw, The Manchurian Candidate

I didn't have the stomach to watch the State of the Union address last night, nor did I have the heart - everything I know about it I read second-hand this morning. This puts me in a unique position to provide real expert analysis - any clown who watched it last night would have been distracted and disillusioned by the Smoke and Mirrors. So here goes...

The main point to take away from the speech is this: If we want to continue to be America, we have to address the China Issue. Right now, 80% of the Chinese are all holed up in factories over there stuffing cookies with subliminal fortunes that contain encrypted messages telling us to eat more, do less and outsource everything - it seems those lucky numbers are much more diabolical than we had initially thought. And they are artificially deflating the price of big screen TVs to prevent us from engaging our frontal lobes, limiting abstract thought.

Initially, China's tactic to overthrow the US was to fatten us with MSG to slow us down, then dominate - think Red Dawn, but with Jackie Chan - but the FDA squashed that. But now with these Subliminal Cookies, we are truly at risk. Once we grow lethargic enough, they will send in the Robots and we will all be doomed....